I was extremely hisitant about writing this but I will anyway... I hate how sometimes I can't bring myself to say what I'm truly feeling. It doesn't matter what exactly it is, whether it be nice and compassionate or rude and yet completely honest. I feel as though whenever I hold back the hurtful things I'd like to say, I'm lying to the person to save their feelings despite my own. I often find myself getting not really annoyed but bothered by some people and their habits and I want to say something but because they're my friend I refrain from saying anything at all. With Her I feel like all we can ever talk about is movies I've never seen and actors I've never heard of. We never talk about anything new really, it's always the same conversations that we've had over and over again months ago just regurgitated. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I spare their feelings and keep everything I feel inside, or do I tell them how I really feel in hopes that maybe, just maybe, they'll cut back on the consistent need for my attention and aproval? I know it probably sounds awful that I say these things, I mean, I should just be glad to have any friends at all, right? I know I should be and everything because some people don't have many friends and it's hard for them to make any, but ugh I don't know.... Alright, well I've completed my mission of feeling like a jerk today, but I know that each and every one of you fine blokes have felt this way at least sometime in your life and if you haven't then you most certainly will.
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